A Sister’s Grief

My grief is like a tsunami that threatens to engulf me

It appears from nowhere and disappears as quickly as arriving

I let it wash over me

Never knowing how long it will reside

I let the tears fall down my face

And strangely they give me comfort

This is the pain of loss and I want to feel it

I can’t turn them off

And I don’t want to….

A song

A photo

A memory

Bring you sharply back into focus

Memories come flooding back

Sadness descends

I’m trying to understand why you couldn’t stay?

Why you had to leave

The pain feels almost unbearable now

Did I let you down?

I’m so so sorry if I did

Maybe I didn’t want to see it?

I wish you could come and sit with me a while

I could hold your hand

I would tell you how much you are loved

How sorry I am that I turned away from you

I reminisce ….

The regrets

The shame

The unbearable pain…

It’s raw and it hurts like hell

Fleetwood Mac plays on the radio

I smile at the memory

I feel guilty that I felt a split second of joy

I cry at the loss of a sister

The loss of a mother

The loss of a daughter

My heart aches

Come and sit with me a while

Let me know it’s okay

You had to leave

You couldn’t stay

People will say ‘she’s at peace now’

But there’s no peace for those left behind

Just memories

And what if’s….

Grief affects us in many different ways and it can help to write things down in a poem or a journal or just talk to someone. If you are struggling with the loss of a loved one The Lighthouse Counselling Partnership can help. Please contact our counsellors here: tlcpartnership.com

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